well i am so swollen and big but i think i’m going to lose weight this time
i’m planning on loosing 40lb after my breast reduction so should i go small C or B
so i’m really really fat!!!!
but my reduction in this thrusday
should i go with b or c help
me duele todo y lloro y nada esta mejor. perdón por quejarme tanto. quiero morir y volver a empezar. mi existencia es nada yo soy nada y estoy tan terriblemente deprimida y encarcelada en mis pensamientos ya no se que hacer. quisiera poder rezarle a alguien, a algo. quisiera tener alguien. no tengo nada ni nadie. esta vida ya no vale la pena vivir para mi.
Cuando veo a personas felices, no me pongo celosa, solo me pongo más triste. ¿Por qué la felicidad le viene tan fácil a unos pero no a otros? ¿Qué he hecho, o que haré en el futuro para merecer esta infelicidad? Yo se que la vida no es justa, tengo cosas que no me merezco, pero…a veces quisiera entrar en un sueño profundo por mucho tiempo y despertarme y estar perfecta. Feliz, linda, inteligente, simplemente en paz. Es un sueño lindo, pero imposible (como muchas cosas en este planeta).
i feel really shitty because every time i get home these days i just come here to complain but this is like a dairy to me, im not disciplined enough to have one and this is just easier. but, i just feel so alone here in my house that’s why i like being at the university even though its a lot of fucking work and shit its better than being here at my house and i hate my parents and my sister they are suffocating me but i have no money or work experience and i still feel like a failure for coming back from the states and not knowing what to study and i feel like im never good enough and im afraid i’ll never be happy and idk if i should take the anti-depressants because i dont want to be dependent but what if they actually help?? fuck fuck fuck i just dont want to be alone anymore ok its not that hard to understand and i wish i had a boyfriend but any guy that gets a little close i fucking push him away because i dont feel beautiful or attractive or good enough and i wish i had the guts to talk to this qt guy i kinda like but im probably not his type and again not fucking good enough and he’ll probably laugh in my face if i show just a little bit of interest and FUCK FUCK FUCK im sorry but i want to kill myself yet have all of these wishes and ok thats all.
AND IF GOD EXISTS WHY ARE THERE SOME PEOPLE SO FUCKING UNHAPPY
the next time i have the chance of having sex i think im going to take it fuck everything i dont want to make a big deal about it i dont care if its not with someone special ~
i’ve never been on a date
i’ve never had a boyfriend
i’ve never been in love
i’ve never had sex
i love getting drunk and doing drugs and smoking and drinking coffee
but i think i’m ugly and each time a guy gets close i push him away
im disgusting
